First off, I apologize for not posting more regularly. Moving, starting a new class and a new career field... Suffice to say, it's been kind of crazy. Not to mention the fact that I am still trying to adjust after having been gone from my family for 6 months.
The short version is that, after getting here and trying a couple places, I took a month and a half off. I have placed jiu jitsu before just about everything in my life for the past 2 years, including my family, and I made the decision to put them first. I have to say, I got my inspiration from a person much stronger and braver than me.
It was a good break, although I nearly drank and ate myself to death over the Christmas holiday.
Anyway, a couple weeks ago, I signed up again and starting going to 50/50 BJJ, which is still a lifelong dream for me. I can only manage once or twice a week right now, which is why I haven't posted much about it - I'm still getting back into things, and quite honestly, I'm fairly embarrassed about where I'm at.
But that's neither here nor there. The other day I went to an open mat and learned more than I have in any other jiu jitsu lesson I can think of. I learned the importance of perception.
When I roll, I typically say stuff out loud. Usually it's "dammit", or "well, that was stupid" or something along those lines. It's not intended for anyone but me. I'm a complete retard most of the time, and I get really frustrated when I do stuff when I know better. I am never talking to my opponent - it's to me. Half the time, I'm not overly aware that I'm doing it.
So the other day, I was rolling with a guy and for everything that I did, I had some stupid remark along those lines. Most people just overlook my inane comments and proceed to crush me, but - and I finally realized it after a couple rolls - this was really getting under this guy's skin, and he was pretty pissed about it.
We talked after the roll, and he was really cool about explaining to me that despite every good intention I may have had, I came off like an asshole. He didn't know me from anyone, and he didn't know I wasn't talking to him. And really, it didn't matter what I said - I was seriously interrupting his flow of the roll, which is totally uncool.
It's one thing if you're rolling with someone you know and who knows you - you can joke around or make stupid comments as much a you can both tolerate. But especially when you're at a new school, keep your damn mouth shut until you know how people roll, and give them a chance to get to know you.
So, ultimately, I have to apologize yet again. I came across as someone that I try very hard not to be, and it was completely my fault. I hope that it doesn't impact any relationships I have yet to form at the school, and you can be damn certain that it won't happen again.
P.S. Another, separate, apology to my Spanish-speaking audience. I will continue to translate my posts, but for several reasons, I wasn't able to do this one tonight. I hope you guys understand. I'll try to make sure it doesn't happen again. Un abrazo para Uds.
I definitely know what it is like to be away from your family and the need to put them first when you get back together is of the utmost importance. You are not going to regret the missed mat time for it.
ReplyDeleteFunny perception story at the gym where I train. We are a relatively small school and everybody there is pretty comfortable with my antics. I too make similar comments like, "dammit, F*ck, etc" when I get hit with a move that I know is coming but I failed to defend. I guess, like you said, I get away with it because the guys there know me. I'll make sure to refrain from doing it at a school I'm visiting
I do the same thing. Usually along the lines of "Oh, well, that was not my plan," or, "No, you may not have that arm." Always meant in the most humorous tone, but I'm glad you posted this, never occurred to me some people might be thinking, "HeLLOOO, stfu!"
ReplyDeleteHey--wanted to give the correct url for McStephy:
ReplyDeletehttp://jiujitsunista.blogspot.com/
I think it's very cool that you came to that realization fairly quickly. I had a training partner who pissed me off with how hard he was rolling, how intensely he was trying to win, and how aggressive he was being. I was so angry and never would have rolled with him again. He talked to me and we rolled again and things were better.
So huzzah on you for talking to him after you pissed him off. Recognizing you caused a negative reaction and finding out why and then DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
Seriously--awesome. Better to HAVE BEEN "that guy" than to BE "that guy."
I too occasionally let out an odd comment - usually self-deprecating. I keep telling myself "shut up, you're probably annoying your training partner" but it still seems to slip out every now and then. Good to have this reminder.
ReplyDeleteAs to the family, I think you were spot on to take some time off and focus on them. It's amazing how pressed we feel to spend time with our hobbies, but the return on investment of time with family is much greater. One of my favorite sayings is "don't let the good things in your life crowd out the essential things."
Keep posting on your training there! I have some purple/brown belt friends that have trained there before and they had such interesting sounding experiences. They said it was some of the toughest and most honest training they've found at one location.
ReplyDeleteFunny you mention this. I think i am one of the people who get annoyed by the talkative people. Not badly...an odd comment here and there is alright, but by and large I like the time to think. It does interrupt the flow, or at least that's how it feels. Another thing I've noticed is people swearing at me pushes my Crazy Button.
ReplyDeleteThe cool thing is that you recognized it, didn't get upset about it and will be making changes.
ReplyDeleteAt my last grappling academy I informed my instructor about some negative things going on in his school (in a respectful way) and he turned everything back in my direction along with a bunch of petty nice/nasty insults. I rewarded him by leaving his club and finding a new BJJ home.
Like Marshal Carper said in his book, "The Cauliflower Chronicles," I won't pay to be insulted.
You know, I never thought of it that way. I yell out things during grapples too like, "GArbage," and "Noooooooo" and "Crappity crap!". Usually, my teammates just laugh at me and keep on destroying me, like you said. I'm doing it in good fun, laughing at myself the whole time. But it never occurred to me that it might be bothering some people. Thanks for pointing that out.
ReplyDeleteJuan Blanco
ReplyDeletei would not worry to much. The cats at 50-50 were rather off putting, grumpy, and overall not very welcoming to me nor my broski whom trained there for the better part of a year. Never got better for him.
So I do not think there was a need to be apologetic.
JAB
Aww, Dev - Thank you. You're awesome, and while I feel like I am netier strong nor brave, I am glad that I've inspired you. It makes me feel good to know that everything I've been through has helped some one else too, even if it was minor.
ReplyDeleteAnd, I too am a talkative grappler, and I've never really thought that it might be annoying to other people. lol - I'll start taking that into consideration from now on, though even if I consider it, it is unlikely that I could shut up, and shutting up is just not something I do well!
I find my self and my follies quite humorous. That being said, I have to admit that I laugh at myself often. Years ago in a striking class, I ran across a woman who had a very low self esteem and assumed that I was laughing at her. When I transitioned to BJJ, I think a guy or two may have initially thought I was laughing at them. They weren't used to girl laughter in class. I would goof up or someone would sweep me and I would laugh. I could feel the entire room pause... Now, when I laugh, the guys smile, and my joy is shared. However, if I visit other schools, I will have to refrain from such silly endeavors. Thanks for bringing this topic to my attention.
ReplyDelete